“I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you!”

So says a favored refrigerator magnet in my home. I love it because it states humorously the way most of us relate to problems that arise. We are quick to point elsewhere when things goes awry.

For most of us, the shame of admitting we have hurt others is so great we wish to avoid it at all costs. But what a surprise to find that the one assuming responsibility for pain is in the best place to do something about it!

If we deny any connection to the pain, we cannot fully heal it. Here is an example. If a woman was wounded or betrayed by her father, an uncle or a brother, she may believe that all men are self-serving toads. Another woman can give comfort and understanding, especially if men have wounded her as well. But the woman needs a different experience with a man if she is to believe that men are not all bad.

Naturally, when counseling such a woman I may wish to distance myself from men, making it clear that I am “not like other men.” Ironically, though, identifying myself as a man capable of the same wrongdoing puts me in a position to do something. I can acknowledge the offense and repent for the harm we men have done women. As a man, I can ask forgiveness and offer some amends for wrongs done.

No responsibility means no power.

Since 1865, Memorial Day has been a time for honoring those who gave their lives to secure freedoms for citizens of the United States of America. Take a moment today and remember those who died serving our country.

We who are citizens of heaven have a long and glorious history of brothers and sisters who gave all for the freedom we have in Christ. Beginning with Stephen, the first Christian martyr, countless saints have died serving our King. We honor them as well.

Memorial Day was first called Decoration Day, because those wishing to honor them decorated the graves of Civil War soldiers. Imagine the joy of being decorated by God for your service to Him! The apostle Paul has this to say about suffering and loss:

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
                                                                                                -Romans 8:18

Though most of us will not likely give our physical lives for country or faith, every day brings opportunities to die to self by sacrificing pride and comfort to follow Jesus. Don’t hang back, go full-bore! As He gave all for you, give all for Him!

Yesterday I woke up wishing for some reassurance from God. I asked Him these questions and imagined the response.

“How do you accept me?” I asked, and heard Him say, “Fully and completely, just as you are.”

Then I asked, “How do you see me?” and sensed His response – “I see you beautiful and strong.”

After which I asked, “How have you forgiven me?” and heard His assurance, “I have forgiven all, and release it when you turn and ask.”

“So,” I asked, “how do you love me?”

“Let me count the ways…”

It struck me how great it would be to ask for affirmation every morning, to hear and let these wonderful responses penetrate my heart. And then to speak them to my mate and others, first within my soul and then in actions and words.

“How do I accept you? … Fully and completely, just as you are.”

“How do I see you? … I see you beautiful and strong.”

“And how do I forgive? … I forgive all, releasing it whenever you turn and ask.”

“So, how do I love thee? … Let me count the ways…”

Since word processors entered the scene several years ago, I have been grateful that they have a more extensive vocabulary and better spelling than I. Now my computer also helps me with word choice, grammar, capitalization and punctuation. I especially enjoy blogging on Wordserve, where I am always prompted with tips to make each entry better.

A couple of days ago, my computer (with the help of gmail) made my day! I had just composed a rather lengthy email and hit send. My computer immediately spoke up (in written form):

“Did you mean to attach files?

“You wrote “Attached are” in your message, but there are no files attached.

“Send anyway?”

With delight, I responded right back to my marvelous machine, “Thank you, Mr. Googley-face! I love you! You are awesome!” I rectified my error and pressed send with satisfaction.

Beyond gratitude for its being smarter than I, I am happy to say my computer is also more gracious. I might personally have added, “What’s wrong with you?” or “Why don’t you pay attention to what you are doing?” to an otherwise helpful message.

I love that by thwarting my action, the computer furthered my ultimate intention. I am glad it really wants to help me out!

Of course, God often does the same thing. He thwarts my purpose, but He is responding to my deeper expressed desire to stay attached to Him. Like my computer, He is paying attention. If I listen, the Holy Spirit counsels me to refrain from certain actions and urges me to take others. He is gracious and clear, never harsh or condemning.

What a journey it is, to know one’s own heart and to learn the heart of God! Each step in one direction moves me further in the other. I love you, Three in One!

A good friend recently offered to put laminate flooring in our master bedroom at his cost. He had the work done while we were on vacation, so it was a wonderful surprise to come home to a whole new look to our sleeping space.

I had written a check and knew it would be deposited on Wednesday of this week. I was aware I needed to put more money in the account. Though we have overdraft protection on our personal account, I hate to activate it, so I made it to the bank in time to transfer money from my business account. Sadly, i discovered the next day that I had an outstanding payment that put that account in the red. Ironically, my attempt at diligence in my finances cost me an overdraft charge of $34.

This morning I woke about 3AM, feeling the shame of my mistake. I bemoaned that I couldn’t seem to win for losing. In my grief, I asked God to draw near to reassure me of His love. To my surprise, I felt He responded with a compassionate, “Poor baby!” and a kiss on the cheek. Then I remembered brother Paul’s assertion to the Romans, “Where sin increased, grace increased all the more.” (Romans 5:20)

Would I have felt his grace as poignantly if I had not messed up? Probably not in that moment. Was it worth the $34 my mistake cost my finances? Absolutely! Do I wish to overdraft my account again to get another kiss? God forbid! He assures me that His kiss is not predicated on my worthiness, nor do I need to blow it to ask for His affection. I just thank Him for His grace!

I just read a blog on Forgiveness by Kelly Johnson, a fellow band member from high school. Now a missionary in Kenya, Kelly grew up in a home ravaged by alcoholism and abuse. Kelly went down a destructive path in response to the trauma, but God met him at his lowest point. Kelly chose life, and when he embraced forgiveness, he found freedom.

Although Kelly’s father left the planet without voicing repentance, Kelly is free of regret. He has seen God’s redemptive power – using pain to fuel passion.

As we review our life’s story and surrender it to God, he transforms our view. As we grow, we learn the wisdom Kelly found and can say along with Joseph speaking to his abusive brothers, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.”

Ironically, wounds we receive from the ones we love most keep us from finding identity and worth in human relationships. They cause us to look beyond what the earth has to offer. The inadequacy of Kelly’s biological dad drove him to find his real Daddy.

To those who hurt us most, we can truly say:

“Your arrow wounded me, but God used the wound to heal me.”

Lifting hands in surrender brings extra blood to the core. The heart rate abates and breathing slows and deepens. As noted in the previous post, the parasympathetic response also aids digestion. When we begin the day with surrender we find it easier to cast our cares on God and release the burdens we carry.

In a practical way, we experience tangible release if we raise our arms when we sit to do business in the “necessary room.” When nature calls, plant your feet wide and firm, spread your cheeks and lift your hands high in praise and surrender. This, along with a good cup of coffee, stimulates the intestines and facilitates elimination. Try it!

I love my moments in the bathroom. When doing my business, I know I am just where God wants me. It reminds me that what I release is sometimes as important as what I take in.

Begin each day with surrender. First, fall to your knees, face to the floor. Then, choose gratitude and worship. As you practice surrender and release, it becomes easier and more rewarding.

God’s way always promotes life and peace. Want to live life to the full? Follow after God. He will bring “health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” (Proverbs 3:8)