On any given issue, we all have our view. And it it’s a good thing. We all need to be clear about what we see, how we feel, and where we stand. The problem comes when we cannot set aside our own view long enough to take a look through another lens. Especially when we surround ourselves with those who share or defer to our opinions, our view can become two-dimensional and flat.

In relationships, we must resist the urge to override another’s view with our own. None of us sees perfectly. It is as though we each view the world through different colored or polarized lenses.

I recently enjoyed the Star Wars movie in 3D. As you may know, the polarized glasses provided have one lens which polarizes light vertically and the other horizontally, providing two different images, which my brain integrated to provide a thrilling three-dimensional experience. It was my birthday present to myself.

Having the two differing lenses side by side for my left and right eyes gave me that 3D vision. But if had overlaid the two lenses, one on top of the other, I would have seen nothing. Two polarized lenses cancel each other out when superimposed.

In life, and in relationships, it is okay for our views to be polarized, and a healthy polarized conversation can provide us a more dimensional view of a subject. But this is only true if we attempt to view the thing through both lenses, side by side, one at a time, without placing one over the other.

Even the old green and red 3D glasses cancelled out all the light when you superimposed the two colors. This is what happens when we try to put our view over the view of another. We promote darkness rather than light.

Because we see through different lenses, we will never see exactly what others see. But by careful listening and by giving and receiving accurate feedback, can we approach clarity of understanding. Even then, we may need God’s help integrate what we see with another view.

It takes humility and patience, and a willingness and desire to see beyond our own bias. But with help and persistence, we can do it. As noted, our brains are designed to take two divergent images and bring them together into one.

Sadly, the only option for many of us is setting aside our own view to endorse that of another, or setting aside their view to affirm our own. For many years, that was me. I didn’t know how to affirm my own view and another’s at the same time.

In my marriage, for instance, I would insist that Teri move over and see the scene from my point of view. As you can imagine, this was not helpful, and even when I was “successful”, the result was disappointing. Hearing, “Fine. You’re right. We’ll do it your way”, was a hollow victory. The result of a unilateral decisions is flat indeed.

We need 3D vision through good 3D conversations.

God, give us the ability to connect with others in such a way that we can join our visions and come up with a clearer, broader and more dimensional view. Bring harmony in our relationships as we submit to you and set aside our need to be right. Bring sight to our eyes and light in our darkness. For our sake and yours. Amen.